How The "Illuminati" Tried to Recruit Me - MJTucker's blog

Novelist and cider maker.

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Saturday, 29 April 2017

How The "Illuminati" Tried to Recruit Me

One of my work friends, Craig, has a sideline job selling cars online and over the phone.

As you do when following people that you hope will follow you back, like your photos and buy from you, one of the people he followed inboxed Craig to see if he wanted to join the illuminati. Craig found it funny and decided to post it in the work lad's group chat. 

But I thought to myself - what if he was for real?
What if I could also be part of the Illuminati, just like Jay Z?
So, I sought out the username from Craig's screenshot. Here's a picture of his profile.
He seems like he does pretty well, dressed in a suit, meeting people in offices, going to weird looking ceremonies. This is real, I thought to myself. I'm going to become rich and famous overnight just by being online buddies with this guy!
Feeling like that one-button-tap was my ticket, I tapped it. And now I was following Zackmarkd!
Almost instantly, as if he had his phone in his hand when I clicked that follow button, he got in touch. Here's our Instagram messaging conversation:
In the next message I sent him my number.

So there I left it, for all of 2 minutes.
Then, the Grand Master got in touch! Wow! These guys move so fast!
Wow! These guys must see so much potential in me if the Grand Master is getting in touch, shouldn’t he be sacrificing a goat or burning a big owl? Anyway, I acted respectfully: i wanted to see where this is going, so here’s our Whatsapp chat:
At this point, I’m getting a bit skeptical. They’re inviting me in with open arms! Surely I’d need to apply?
I think I might be breaking number 11 right now: Oops, sorry, Grand Master!
The following details are not true, but I thought weird enough for him to question.
Now he wants official documents? Well, I wonder why! This, along with the ropey English, confirmed to me he’s got ulterior motives. Time to scam the scammer!
I wish I could have done more to try to get him to send me money, to see if he even would offer (I wouldn’t have actually taken it, the above email address  isn’t real, so wouldn’t be connected to a paypal account). But, he asked for a picture of me.
Damnit, that was clever. He’s got me at a stalemate here. Now I have to send him a picture. My thought process went as follows:

  • He believed all of that stupid information in the form that I filled out
  • He could potentially believe any picture I send over.
I originally thought of sending a picture of a friend of mine, but then at the last second decided to google image “Nigerian Prince” (from the old school scamming emails).
Nevermind, it doesn’t look like I’ll be joining the illuminati, after all!
In the case that he is real, and I have passed on the chance of joining the real illuminati, OR if you want to have a go at trolling him, the guy’s number if you’d like to Whatsapp him is +90 537 228 34 09. (Shoutout to @craigplayerscars).
Good luck!

Also, if you can think of any ways I could keep this reverse scam going, get in touch on Twitter @mjtucker to give me some ideas!